A Place for You Sexual Growth:

 
   

Sex and self esteem, right or wrong seem to go hand in hand. Sex is a big part of a man's life, not only in having good sex, but also being able to perform sexually. Does size matter and who does it matter to, you or your partner? Sometimes questions never seem to get asked, because of embarrassment, which can control our lives. Are we too embarrassed to ask if size is important or is it just believed that it is. Questions like what is normal and what is not and does it matter to your significant other or is it just something in the mind?

These are all good questions and important questions to each man, but often seeking answers and where to get the answers is a difficult process. It's well said that sex is not everything in life, but for a man it is part of who you are and your future. Looks and perception of how you look, right or wrong may well control your outcome in life and who you may end up with in life. Being sexy, naturally starts from within, but then there are the external aspects that go along with being sexy for ones growth and self esteem. Everyone seems to know this, but the message sent from advertisers, employers and even people that you may desire to meet, sexy is about external things and how you look and carry yourself in front of others. Sexy, sad to say can even control whether we even get to first base or not. It's shallow and it is unfair, there is no doubt about it, but it is the way it is.

Sexy often controls a man's life and his future, in having the "look" or not. It will determine the job and how much money you will make and even the person you end up with in life. Mind you, that has nothing to do with how smart you are or how good you are in a personal relationship with another, but has to do with how you look and feel about yourself as and individual and as an asset. We all know the saying, "beauty is only skin deep." but admittedly most don't live it.

Sexy Starts with Beliefs: Understanding the Matrix of Sexy

Sexy is an attitude more than it is a look. It is how you actually see yourself. Do you see yourself as an asset or a liability and if you do see yourself as an asset, are you really an asset or are you just telling yourself that your an asset to hide your true self worth. "Sexy" is a word and words have power if we know how to use words so they have power. Sexy is part of a way of lifestyle and there is a matrix to being sexy or not being sexy and  a lifestyle can and does make you or break you.. That matrix started in our cognitive years at an early age from usually 3-8 years of age. Sexy is for the most part about programming and how we were raised to begin with. Did your parents see themselves as "sexy?"

If not then they probably did not teach you how to be sexy, which had nothing to do with how "sexy" you really are, but had to do with how "sexy" your parents felt they were. Here is an example of how it all starts. Have you ever heard a parent tell their child that perhaps they are no good? That one thought usually will not destroy a person, but being told that over and over during a period of time, will change a persons life and direct for the rest of their lives. That is bad enough to know that, but what is insanity is for the parents to wonder why their child turned out to be no good.

Surprisingly enough most of the things we do learn about ourselves start with the cognitive years of our lives and our influences and from there we tend to seek out people in our lives that will agree with us, one way or the other. For example; if we were brought up to believe that we were not sexy then we will seek others that will also think we are not sexy for the most part, because the belief is so deeply engrained in us. Many of us are programmed to either succeed or fail in life and it takes some work to undo what has been taught.

Who are you really and why do you believe what you do?

The first step to change if that is what is desired is to understand who you really are. Your likes and dislikes. Did you grow up with the concept that you were in control of your own life or were you taught to be a good victim? Often times in life we all put up with far more than we should and mostly because of deep seated needs and or beliefs that tell us "that's how it is in life." An example of this is most women get married because of the need for financial security and often men marry because of perceived need. Did your father need a mother and maid and sex partner or did he marry out of love?

That's a hard question and we would all like to believe the our parents married for the right reasons, but the facts are the most do not marry for the right reasons and pass their example to the children, sending a child in the wrong direction in life. Most marriages fail. Its a fact! Why do they fail? Is it about fault or about not having needs met? When that need is strong, they drive us to do certain things and often times wrong things because the response is made because of a temporary need instead of  a life reality. In how we live influences our children. We would like to think that they listen to our words more than our actions or what we do in life, but that really is self deception. Our children learn because we are the example, good or bad and we set our children on a particular course in life, good or bad.

The only that can be done to help stop the insanity is to first understand "self", which is not being self centered, but actually coming to an understanding of who we are and what makes us tick and or what motivates us to do what we do and or even succeed or fail in life. In looking at those important factors and our influences in understanding where they come from we can at least get an accurate picture and make better decisions that do effect the rest of our lives and our children's lives as well. Are we in control or are we being controlled? If we are not sure then probably we are being controlled and don't even see it.

What's Love Got to do with it?

Tina Turner had a popular song that made a statement that love was a second hand emotion. To fix anything we first have to understand who we are and our needs and the second step is to take ownership of those needs and desires and who we really are.

One problem we all have is that we all have a tendency to believe that things will be alright, even if we have done nothing personally to make things alright. We seem to count on others to make it alright. We like to count on the system, government, family, friends and even God to fix things for us, instead of us doing the fixing. This comes from our beliefs systems and whether we have an internal locust of control or external locust of control. There are two problems in not being in control. First we become victims, because our life and future is in someone else's hands. Secondly, we become slaves because slaves have no control over their lives, but are victims of a culture or society.

Sometimes it difficult to face reality, but in order to go on in life and succeed we all need to. From getting an understanding of why we see the way we do and more important why we respond the way we do to situations, we all can have more control over our lives and future, not being controlled, but being in control of our lives. This obviously has to do with our self esteem and our vision of how we see ourselves and our worth at home, work and in society in general.

An Example of Self Esteem or Lack of Self Esteem

Today it seems the popular thing to bash Bush. It seems that if you want to be a success as a comedian or a newspaper commentator bashing Bush or standing up for him is profitable. Having said that it should be important to understand that Bush is Bush and always has been. He is a human being that gets up and dresses much like everyone else. One question we may want to ask in the process of of getting up in the morning and dressing, does he declare to himself, his wife and everyone else, "that he is going to do what he can to mess up everyone's life?" No probably not. He is well intentioned and it was well intentioned people that put him in office, but neither makes it right and putting him there was something that the people did. Were we duped? Sold a bill of goods, because we would rather believe there is a conspiracy or is it that we did not have the wisdom or the eyes to see to begin with.

Please do not misunderstand, we here at TKoH do not have a political agenda either way, but in order to fix anything in life we all have to take responsibility for what is happening and be willing to learn new concepts so we can make better decisions and maybe in doing so will find hope once again for our future on earth and maybe getting along better with others on this small planet.

Self esteem is an important issue with all people. It is our perception of ourselves in how we see ourselves. Do we see ourselves as we really are or are we deluded and if so what can we do about it?

Being Sexy is Not About Sex it's About Confidence, Self Confidence and Self Reliance

Sexy often has to do with who gets the job and who does not. Sexy, self esteem and self reliance has also to do with our personal relationships. Sex has a lot to do with each of our lives whether we like it or not, the question is what are you personally going to do about it.

Here we will help you with those important issues and concerns about being sexy and about self esteem, so you can grow in all aspects of your life and be an individual that is well rounded and satisfied. Part of that is learning your likes and dislikes and your personality type and where you fit into life, making it come together and work for you. Here you will find help so you can become all you desire to become.

Where does Sexy come from?

Believe it or not from our cognitive years as adolescents. From those years we form beliefs that become attached to us and often times those beliefs become so attached to us it becomes part of our values, which means having a particular value to others in life. It is why we are willing to fight for our beliefs. It should be understood that our beliefs may be right or in error. Beliefs are things that are unproven and are not fact, but considered to be so. Beliefs are much like assumptions, but should be understood the assumptions are probably the worst disease that one can have as it makes us speak often what we do. Assumptions create war and conflict as it allows us to judge others and often incorrectly, hurting or possibly even destroying others and ourselves often in the process.

Here we work with you on being sexy and self esteem, no matter who you are and what you look like as it has to do with inner self worth. Part of it is diet, exercise, vitamins, supplements, clothes we wear, and even some of the toys we use, or even our income, or financial security, but the other part of it is our belief system and where our particular beliefs came from. Some beliefs are good and can keep us out of trouble, while other beliefs can and do hold us back from becoming all we can be in life. It is those beliefs that when understood and worked on can and does change your life.